Grigory Oster, known for his satirical and humorous approach to teaching life lessons, provides a unique take on friendship in his famous work "Harmful Advice for Disobedient Children." In this article, we explore his witty and ironic tips, designed to make us think twice about our actions and attitudes towards friends.
1. Be Silent or Talk Non-Stop
If you want to be a terrible friend, start by either avoiding communication altogether or talking non-stop about yourself. Ignore any genuine attempts at conversation and fill the air with empty, self-centered chatter. This will surely drive your friend away or leave them feeling unheard and unimportant.
2. Impair and Criticize
Make it a habit to constantly criticize and undermine your friend. Never offer constructive feedback or support. Instead, focus on their flaws and mistakes, making them feel inadequate and unworthy of your friendship.
3. Wear Masks and Speak Superficially
Always wear a mask and keep conversations superficial. Avoid genuine, heartfelt discussions. When your friend needs support, offer empty, formal words. This will ensure that they feel emotionally isolated and misunderstood.
4. Be Unreliable
Agree to plans and then cancel them last minute. Be consistently late and forget your promises. Show up when it’s convenient for you, not when your friend needs you. If they ask for help, especially in a crisis, take their money and disappear for a few days.
5. Be Passive and Dull
Never initiate contact. Wait for others to reach out to you. If someone smiles at you, respond with a sour expression. Make sure you’re the kind of friend who brings down the mood and makes social interactions a chore.
6. Pity Yourself and Do Nothing
Spend your time wallowing in self-pity. Complain about your misfortunes but take no action to change your situation. Expect others to sympathize with your plight without offering any effort to improve.
7. Cultivate Narcissism
Encourage your inner narcissist. If your parents have sacrificed to give you a good life, take offense at everything they’ve done wrong. Blame them for your perceived inadequacies and ensure they feel your resentment.
8. Choose Unattainable Relationships
Always fall for people who are unavailable or uninterested. Choose married individuals or those known for their fleeting relationships. Make grand gestures to win them over but avoid any genuine connection or support.
9. Suspect and Reject
If someone manages to break through your defenses, immediately suspect them of ulterior motives. Reject their attempts to get close to you, convinced they only want to use you or pity you.
10. Be Rude and Demand the Impossible
Rudeness should be your default setting. Demand impossible things and take great offense when people inevitably fail to meet your expectations.
11. Constantly Compare Yourself
Make a habit of comparing yourself to others. This will keep you in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and envy, ensuring you never appreciate your own or your friend’s unique qualities.
12. Follow Others' Decisions
Never make your own decisions. Always wait for someone else to tell you what to do. If no one does, remain indecisive and inactive. This will keep you from achieving anything worthwhile and ensure you’re always dependent on others.
Conclusion
Grigory Oster’s satirical advice serves as a mirror reflecting our worst tendencies in friendships. By exaggerating these behaviors, he encourages us to reflect on our own actions and strive to be better friends. True friendship is built on communication, support, reliability, and genuine care. Let Oster’s "harmful advice" be a humorous reminder of what not to do, guiding us towards more meaningful and healthy relationships.