It's been two months since my lover and I parted ways. We lived together for a year, which was his longest relationship to date, compared to his previous three. When he lost his job, I supported him through everything, completely dissolving into our relationship. However, our love crumbled when I started insisting that we move out from his parents' house into my small but separate apartment.
All my plans revolved around him. Now, I'm left alone—without an education, without a job, without money. Mornings have become dreadful, and I don't even want to get out of bed. My friends have stopped coming around. What should I do?
Answer:
First, take a moment to find some joy in this situation and then prepare to learn from it. You may not feel happy now, but let's uncover the lessons and maybe then, happiness will follow.
A. Choose a Psychologically Mature Partner
You need to seek relationships with psychologically mature men instead of trying to raise someone who is essentially a grown child, lacking parental guidance. Look for these indicators of maturity:
- Economic Independence: Can they support themselves?
- Spiritual Development: Do they have a strong sense of self and values?
- Physical Health: Are they taking care of their body?
Your former lover only possessed physical health, which is the least critical of these qualities.
B. Learn from the Duration of Your Relationship
The fact that your relationship lasted the longest isn't a testament to his commitment but rather a reflection of your patience. Your predecessors figured out his shortcomings faster than you did.
C. Evaluate Your Friendships
True friends don’t abandon you in times of need. The fact that your so-called friends stopped coming around indicates they might not have been real friends to begin with.
D. Improve Your Understanding of People
You need to refine your ability to read and understand people. This will help you make better choices in relationships and friendships.
E. Recognize Your Fortune
Consider yourself fortunate that the breakup happened now and not a decade later. People rarely change fundamentally, so this might have saved you from a more prolonged heartache.
Now, Let's Take Action
A. Focus on Yourself
Make yourself your number one priority. Your well-being and growth should come first.
B. Find Employment
Start looking for a job, no matter how small. Financial independence is crucial for your confidence and stability.
C. Pursue Education
Begin by educating yourself, even if it starts with self-education. Look for online courses, read books, or attend workshops.
D. Self-Reflection and Understanding
Spend time understanding your needs, values, and what you truly want from life and relationships. This self-awareness will guide you in making better decisions.
E. Stop Enabling Immaturity
Avoid relationships where you end up being the caregiver for someone who should be an equal partner. Look for mutual respect and shared responsibilities.
By taking these steps, you’ll rebuild your life, gain independence, and find healthier, more fulfilling relationships. It’s a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, and it starts with taking control of your own happiness.