In the journey of life, separation from parental figures occurs vertically, while horizontal separations unfold between spouses. The ability to independently navigate life, without guaranteed support, signifies maturity. It's a stage where one counts on oneself, capable of managing challenges and finding joy independently. Conversely, infantilism persists when individuals seek resources externally due to personal inadequacies, stemming from various profound reasons.
Partners often voice unresolved childhood grievances, mistaking each other for surrogate parents. However, adults are not beholden to one another in the same way parents are to their children. Children, by birthright, necessitate care and nurturing. Adults, on the other hand, must take responsibility for their own well-being.
Expectations and reproaches directed at partners stem from a misunderstanding of adult relationships. There's a mistaken belief that finding "the one" will heal wounds and fulfill every need. Yet, disillusionment grows with time, as individuals realize others cannot fulfill the roles of absent caregivers. "Everyone is preoccupied with themselves," echoing in hearts, often leads to self-reliance or solitude.
Perhaps, it's at this juncture that one should embrace oneself tightly and declare, "My friend, I'm with you forever. I'll never forsake you, and you can lean on me." Acknowledging personal wounds and vulnerabilities, and offering self-compassion, becomes crucial.
Gradually, understanding dawns that parents, too, were imperfect beings, loving as best they could with the tools they possessed. Their love's quality mirrored what they received in their own upbringing. Shifting attention from the tumultuous past to the present brings relief and a renewed zest for life. The pains endured unearth hidden resilience and newfound strengths, nurturing a path to lighter, less burdened relationships.
To embrace adulthood means accepting life's realities and acting from this grounded perspective, rather than chasing elusive ideals. It's about finding contentment amidst imperfections, enjoying freedom, and fostering genuine connections without excessive expectations.