As a psychologist, I dream of a world where our profession becomes obsolete. Imagine a society where healthy adults raise children in an ecologically balanced environment, fostering a generation with a natural, healthy outlook on life. However, until individuals strive for inner self-improvement, the need for psychologists will persist.
Children today often struggle with illnesses, rudeness, anxiety, and aggression. They may become sick before school, commit cruel acts, or disappoint their parents with passivity and an unwillingness to "become happy." This is because the path to true happiness lies beyond most conventional parenting strategies.
The Trap of Approval Dependency
One significant barrier to happiness is the dependency on external validation. When individuals shift responsibility for their actions onto others, life becomes incredibly complicated. Unfortunately, many adults inadvertently foster this dependency by using shame as a measure of correctness. This approach teaches children to rely on external approval, rather than their own conscience.
By fixing responsibility on an external censor, educators erode a child's sense of personal accountability. The child learns to seek approval from authority figures rather than developing an internal moral compass. This dependency can lead to unethical behavior when not under scrutiny and fosters a sense of constant doubt and uncertainty about one's own opinions and choices.
Cultivating Self-Reliance and Inner Peace
To cultivate a sense of happiness, one must first dispel doubts about their right to be happy. Every person inherently possesses this right—a slice of the big Life pie. However, those raised in an environment of shame are often deprived of this right.
Shame replaces conscience, an essential sense of moral compatibility. Instead of fostering joyful interactions and a sense of connection with others, shame creates a barrier. Giving children experiences of joyful compatibility helps them develop a strong sense of empathy and interconnectedness, making them less likely to harm others.
The Path to Happiness
The path to happiness begins with fostering inner self-reliance and a strong sense of personal responsibility. Here are some steps to guide children and adults alike toward this goal:
Encourage Self-Expression: Allow children to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. This builds their confidence in their own opinions and decisions.
Promote Accountability: Teach children to take responsibility for their actions. Help them understand the consequences of their choices and how to make amends.
Foster Joyful Experiences: Create opportunities for children to engage in activities that bring them joy and a sense of accomplishment. This helps them develop a positive self-image and a sense of belonging.
Teach Empathy: Encourage children to consider the feelings and perspectives of others. This nurtures their sense of connection and responsibility toward the community.
Model Healthy Behavior: As adults, demonstrate healthy ways of coping with stress, making decisions, and interacting with others. Children learn by observing the behavior of those around them.
Reduce Dependency on External Validation: Praise efforts rather than outcomes and encourage intrinsic motivation. Help children find satisfaction in their achievements without relying on external approval.
Conclusion
True happiness is a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. By moving away from shame-based parenting and fostering an environment of empathy, accountability, and joyful compatibility, we can help the next generation develop the inner resilience and confidence needed to thrive. Every person has the inherent right to happiness; it's up to us to nurture this potential from within.