When a child is born, they come into this world with an inherent expectation of their mother’s love. This love is not merely a desire; it is a fundamental need. A mother’s love is equated with life itself. Without it, an infant is helpless, unable to feed, warm themselves, or even move adequately. The presence of a mother’s love guarantees survival, making it as crucial as air or water.
The Heartbreaking Reality
However, sometimes, despite nature’s intent, this essential love is absent. This absence is a profound error, one that no child is equipped to understand or accept. Society has coined various terms for this absence: a "cuckoo" mother, a toxic parent, a "dead" mother, or a dysfunctional caregiver. A child, though, learns these terms much later, if ever.
Initially, a child only knows one thing: a mother should love. If she does not, the child believes something must be inherently wrong with them. They embark on a desperate quest to earn this promised love, trying countless strategies—demanding, bargaining, loving, flattering, begging, threatening, leaving, and returning. Each attempt is like knocking on a door that never opens.
The Endless Knock
A child stands at their mother’s metaphorical door, hoping she will eventually open it and offer the love they crave. They fantasize about the love behind the door, believing they just need to find the right key or knock hard enough. Yet, the painful truth is that behind the door, there is nothing for them. The space is empty.
It’s only when the child acknowledges this emptiness, mourns the loss, and moves beyond it, that they can truly start living their own life. Until this acceptance, their life is a constant struggle to obtain their mother’s love—a love that should never come at the cost of their own life.
Love Shouldn’t Be Bartered
Love is not a currency to be traded for life. It either exists freely or it doesn’t. This realization is harsh, especially when it dawns that so much time and energy were spent chasing something unattainable. Yet, with this painful truth comes a liberating understanding: your life is yours to shape.
Reflect on the journey—acknowledge the dangers and hardships faced to gain this knowledge. While it doesn’t erase the pain, it gives you a reason to be proud of your resilience. In the quest to open the door, you’ve gathered wisdom and skills, even those you might have preferred to avoid learning.
Embracing New Possibilities
Now, as an adult, you have choices. You can continue to knock on the same door, or you can recognize that the world is full of other doors, each offering different possibilities. While these doors don’t hold the mother’s love you once sought, you are no longer a child whose survival depends on it.
You will live. How you choose to live, who to love, and what kind of love to invite into your life, are now decisions within your power. You are free from the past’s constraints, ready to embrace a future defined by your choices, not by unmet expectations.
Conclusion
Realizing the absence of a mother's love is a painful yet liberating experience. It allows you to reclaim your life and make choices that align with your own happiness and well-being. Embrace this newfound freedom and let it guide you towards doors that open to genuine love and fulfillment.